Once Upon A Batch Of Rice Krispies Treats
by Arii-hime
Summary: In which a battle with Rice Krispies figurines has begun, and some figurines get seriously hurt. "This is you. See yourself? You jump off a cliff. You die." Some really bad abuse with food is going on here... Another totally random fic. AU


**Disclaimer:** Don't own Gakuen Alice, never will. _Disclaimed._

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_Once Upon A Batch of Rice Krispies Treats_

_"This is you. See yourself? You jump off a cliff. You die."_

_---Ariisha-chan---_

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"Honestly, they look _dead_."

Mikan tossed Natsume a dirty look.

"Rice Krispies can't even be _alive_, genius."

"No duh. They're so bad they look dead."

Mikan sighed, downhearted. She took the tray of burnt, shriveled up treats and slid them into the trash can.

"If you think they're so bad let's see you do better." Mikan tossed the tray on the table and stood with her hands on her hips.

Natsume silently vowed to assassinate W. K. Kellogg for inventing Rice Krispies. The guy was dead, but that wouldn't be a problem. He'd dig him up and burn his corpse at the stake. Then he'd burn the ashes and sweep what was left back into the coffin.

Mikan's voice broke through his mental death threats. "You know what? Forget it. Just...forget it." She turned around, muttering, "God! So petty. If you were a ragdoll I'd rip yer freakin' head off and use the stuffing as..." Suddenly Mikan's chocolate eyes lit up. Not just any kind of lighting up---the sadistic kind, the _I just got a totally scary idea_ kind. She grabbed a handful of the Rice Krispies treats mix---the only result of her baking that seemed to not get destroyed---and began to roll it around in her hands.

"What're you doing now, Polka?"

She held up one marshmallow-Krispy-clad finger and continued to roll the mix around in her fingers until the lump now had a distinct representation of a person. She waved it in Natsume's face. "See this?"

"I see the reason why you failed art class."

Mikan scowled at him. Then she set the person on the table. "Once upon a batch of failed Rice Krispies treats there was an egotistical jerk named Natsume Hyuuga." She pointed at him. "This is you. See yourself? You jump off a cliff. You die." Mikan punctuated her point by pushing the little figure off of the table with her forefinger. It landed on the floor with a soft splat and the whole front half of it flattened. "Wow, Natsume. You look better with a flattened front half than you do without one."

Natsume glowered at her. He knew it was childish to get involved in such immature games---and he knew that was what Mikan wanted from the glint in her eye---but he couldn't help himself this time. He stalked over to the bowl and ripped out a portion of the mix, quickly and agilely molding it into the figure of a person, setting it down on the table.

"This," he began in a spiteful monotone, "is the liver headed _schnook_ named Mikan Sakura that caused the poor flat guy's misery." He faked wiping a tear from his eye. "How tragic. But luckily for him the little wench is gonna get her come-uppance." Just like that, the figure's head was on fire and Mikan watched with her eyes popping out of her skull as the poor figure melted into a pile of marshmallow goo and burnt Krispies.

"Oh yeah?" Mikan picked up her flat figure with a glare and set it back on the table. "Well this is the Mafia leader's half brother _malfeasant_ that caused the poor melted puddle over there that was once an innocent bystander. But..." Mikan picked up a hammer that had been sitting there for some odd reason that cannot be explained and beat the figure into a paper thin pancake.

"There." She smiled up at Natsume's icy stare. "Now he's paid for the innocent murder."

Natsume slowly reached over her head and pulled another handful of the mix out.

_Uh oh._ Everyone knows a _slow_ Natsume is a _dangerous_ Natsume.

"But see, the bad thing was that they managed to stick the liver headed schnook in a cryogenic freezer with Walt Disney and through some unnamed scientific method bring her back to life. Luckily it was a two-for-two." Natsume picked up a spoon and managed to successfully spoon a hole in the middle of the poor figurine. "Natsume Hyuuga got to spoon a hole in the she-devil and he got to pull Walt Disney's arse out of the freezer." He smirked as Mikan's mouth dropped open. "Right about now he should be about half burned up."

"Well, guess what happened to the Mafia leader's half brother?" Mikan furiously picked up another wad of the mix. "Somehow they used a giant taffy puller and pulled him out of shape, then used giant hands to mold him back into a person. But it was too bad that Mikan Sakura..." She tore the figure's head off. "...ripped his sorry head off before he could appreciate life again." She dropped both head and body on the floor with a smile.

Natsume's eye twitched as he looked at the brunette's way-too-cheerful smile. If only he could spoon a hole in _her_.

He picked up the detorsoized figure and, much to Mikan's surprise, bit its head clean off. She could barely surpress a giggle as he slowly turned to her, his face scrunched up as he tasted the mixture of Krispies, marshmallows and butter.

The taste was worse than if you ate a bucket of sugar, then ate some rice balls with sugar in them afterwards, then followed it up with a bucket of salt. At least, that's what it tasted like to Natsume, because as we all know he despises anything sweet, especially Rice Krispies treats.

Mikan finally laughed. It was hard to stay mad at him for long---especially when he looked this tortured.

"Here. Want me to get rid of that for you?" She leaned forward and, without any warning, pressed her mouth softly against his. He was so surprised he nearly jerked backwards, and Mikan slowly pushed her tongue into his mouth and retrieved the mushy lump, pulling it out between her teeth. She grinned, and Natsume's face turned a light shade of red.

Then Mikan rocked backwards on her heels, chewing thoughtfully.

"This isn't half bad. Your spit tastes pretty good, Natsume."

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So the kitchen was destroyed, the oven broke and Rice Krispies treat mix was pretty much everywhere.

And not to mention there was a Rice Krispies fight in which Rice Krispies figurines were seriously hurt.

Plus, Natsume earned himself a Rice Krispies kiss, courtesy of Mikan.

And this was just what typically happens when Mikan tries to bake anything, much less Rice Krispies.

-The _Most Retarded_ End-

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_LAWL. XD This was the most randomly retarded thing EVER._

_I am a corny sucker sap. I am the goddess of all corny sucker saps. I wear a shirt that says "Look at me; I am a corny sucker sap" (that's obviously a lie)_

_But I was just feeling so random and sappish when I wrote this. I forgot to mention this in the fic, but that was Mikan's kitchen. Thank god for Natsume. XD_

_By the way, I LOVE Rice Krispies treats. They are so good. I wanna eat one right now but instead I must settle for jello. Rawr._

_Review, please, for all of the corny sucker saps like me out there who like reading fics like this (omitting the fact of the matter that maybe you ARE one)._

_Thanks for reading and bearing with my corny sucker sap self. XD Now I'ma go eat me some jello and take a nap._

_~Ariisha-chan_


End file.
